Ban Don't Ask, Don't Tell

(This is the final award I received while in the Air National Guard. I served 8 years active Army, 10 years  Army National Guard, and 3 years Air National Guard. I retired in July 2000.)

I am a survivor. 

         Not from breast cancer. That would be more respected, even heroic.

No, I survived the ban.

 I debated about even admitting this for fear of some kind of negative repercussion. After so many decades of living in paranoia, you get used to secrecy and lying.

I have to admit that the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell ban never really kept me in the closet, though. I’ve always been out - just lucky enough to not get caught.

I retired from the military 10 years ago, so I don’t have to worry anymore. But those still serving and sacrificing their lives for our freedom do.

I’m posting this blog for them.

The ban made headline news again last month when chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Mike Mullen proclaimed that service members should not be forced to "lie about who they are." (ban)

Defense Secretary Robert Gates and President Barack Obama agree. After all, maybe they have finally realized it’s absurd that gays living in Massachusetts can legally marry but can’t serve openly in the military. How schizophrenic is that?

Speaking of schizo behavior: 

• I have co-custody of my two young daughters through the Toledo family court system, but I can't legally adopt them in Ohio. 
• I just switched from Nationwide to USAA auto insurance because USAA includes my partner in my plan. Nationwide doesn't. The ironic thing: USAA is an insurance company that covers military service members and veterans. I've been with Nationwide since I  was 18. I informed Nationwide why I switched.
• Dana, my partner of 20 years, and I can register our relationship with the City of Toledo, but there's probably no hope of celebrating our commitment via marriage in our lifetime, unless we move to the East or West Coast. Our anniversary is Feb. 17.
  

Yes, things are slowly improving. The bending-over-in-the-showers fear and the blackmail argument don’t cut it anymore. And don't get me started on the Karl Roves of the world.

The bottom line is this: the military ban will never prevent gays and lesbians from joining. It will never weed them out or get them to change their sexual preferences. Never have and never will.

Unfortunately, the ban will continue to destroy the futures of those unlucky enough to get caught simply being themselves. 

I’m not a gay rights activist anymore. I’ve been too busy building a journalism career and raising a family. But sometimes, well, you just have to take a stand.

I have many lesbian friends courageously serving in the Army right now, and I worry about them in more ways than one. I hope they survive the war, and I hope they survive the ban.

It’s time to end the ban on gays in the military. In fact, it’s way overdue.